Hell is all powerful

I wish this was being posted as a happy update to my battles but it is nowhere near that at all. Hell has decided it will claim me fully one way or another whether by it’s darkness or by driving me to do something stupid.

My dreams are now scaring me a lot as I am dreaming of running off a nearby cliff and just falling, it isn’t nice waking up with real fear spreading through you over this dream and realising a thin thread is keeping you sane.

I am heading to sort out the benefits I am due as with my work no paying me any statutory sick pay or arranging it for me it is onto whatever benefits I can get. As I need money to survive and keep me going as I need to get away from here for a break and to recover away from this hell.

The only good thing during this is my photography is starting to improve and for people to say they like it and can see my development as a photographer. So far this is about the only thing that is keeping me from being stupid. My thoughts are full of I am hurting everyone else if I am gone they won’t hurt anymore. Then my thin thread of sanity kicks in and says they will hurt more if you are gone and I sit there near to tears fighting the internal demons and wanting this ti be over one way or another. For good or bad.

SCM