There's a hole in my soul, It's a real big place, You can see it in my face
There comes a time in everyones life when events affect them and they are forced to address the sum of what their life has been up till now. I am now at this position in my own life and am reviewing who, what and more importantly why I am where I am now.
The events of the last year or so have finally caught up with me and my review takes place while in the grip of mild depression, so my thinking has been part of my own self healing process and is still ongoing. Someone said life was not going to be easy and so far I can not disagree after the last year with a house fire, the repairs and then at beginning of the year the bombshell from my wife that she wanted a separartion, house sale then divorce in time. So the last 18 months or so are not considered the best of my life.
I'm now reviewing my life and career and admitting to the brutal facts that I am in a job that I absolutely hate and with the upcoming house sale I am now able to do something about it. I have been an engineer/technician in my field since 17, when i left school, with a gap for a year at University this totals 16 years now and enough is enough. I am now sick to death of dragging myself into a job I hate, pretending to enjoy it when it is the last thing I really want to do. I want to find the real me and a career that i want to do, enjoy doing and can see myself fully committing to it as right now engineering isn't for me or ever was being honest.
What to do next is the question? As I do not have a clue what I really want to do.
I am definitely going to spend some of the cash visiting friends I know from online in the USA with some of the money left from the house sale, after debts have been paid off. This will be during a 6 month or so break from work just to re-find myself as I have lost too much of myself along the way I need to recover it for completing myself again.
I will during this time be giving a chance to my writing as a few years back I managed to produce a few chapters of an idea that when people read it left them saying more, more, more. As after recently finding a printed copy of it recently during a pre-house sale clearance it surprised me how good it actually was, as my self critical side is overpowering at times and I always doubted how good it really was. The self doubt is also an issue I will need to address during this 6 month period of reflection along with other aspects of my bruised and battered body and personality.
To go from being with someone who you loved and were with for almost 6 years who now no longer loves you is a difficult step and the battle ahead to rediscover me and what I really want to be is not something I am really looking forward to.
SCM
The events of the last year or so have finally caught up with me and my review takes place while in the grip of mild depression, so my thinking has been part of my own self healing process and is still ongoing. Someone said life was not going to be easy and so far I can not disagree after the last year with a house fire, the repairs and then at beginning of the year the bombshell from my wife that she wanted a separartion, house sale then divorce in time. So the last 18 months or so are not considered the best of my life.
I'm now reviewing my life and career and admitting to the brutal facts that I am in a job that I absolutely hate and with the upcoming house sale I am now able to do something about it. I have been an engineer/technician in my field since 17, when i left school, with a gap for a year at University this totals 16 years now and enough is enough. I am now sick to death of dragging myself into a job I hate, pretending to enjoy it when it is the last thing I really want to do. I want to find the real me and a career that i want to do, enjoy doing and can see myself fully committing to it as right now engineering isn't for me or ever was being honest.
What to do next is the question? As I do not have a clue what I really want to do.
I am definitely going to spend some of the cash visiting friends I know from online in the USA with some of the money left from the house sale, after debts have been paid off. This will be during a 6 month or so break from work just to re-find myself as I have lost too much of myself along the way I need to recover it for completing myself again.
I will during this time be giving a chance to my writing as a few years back I managed to produce a few chapters of an idea that when people read it left them saying more, more, more. As after recently finding a printed copy of it recently during a pre-house sale clearance it surprised me how good it actually was, as my self critical side is overpowering at times and I always doubted how good it really was. The self doubt is also an issue I will need to address during this 6 month period of reflection along with other aspects of my bruised and battered body and personality.
To go from being with someone who you loved and were with for almost 6 years who now no longer loves you is a difficult step and the battle ahead to rediscover me and what I really want to be is not something I am really looking forward to.
SCM
posted by SCM at 1:00 am
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